Talking About Family History

Dad, what did you want to be when you were my age? Mom, who were your best friends when you were in the third grade? Where were Grandma and Grandpa born?

Children ask these questions because they're curious about their family's history and traditions. It's important to connect your kids to their lineage so they can find their place in your family's ongoing legacy. Dinnertime presents an ideal opportunity to share your younger days and family stories with them.

THE WORDS YOU NEED
You can crank up the family "time machine" by telling a story or by asking your kids some questions. Here are a few family album openers:

The Words: "What do you think we did for fun when we were your age?"

The Reason: Kids like to use their imaginations and play guessing games — this question triggers both. Their answers will lead to "when I was your age we used to..." discussions.

The Words: "When your great grandpa was a young man, he escaped from Russia because the Czar was taking all the Jewish boys from their families and forcing them into the Russian army. He sailed to this country as a stowaway on a big boat. After landing in New York City, he worked hard and saved enough money to bring your great grandma over here to join him." This is my children's great grandparents' tale.

The Reason: How your family elders arrived in this country is a story your children should hear. If you're fortunate enough to have living grandparents and great grandparents, encourage them to tell these stories — your kids need to hear their tales of courage.

The Words: "Let me tell you how our family tradition of making Christmas cookies for the neighborhood started."

The Reason: As kids grow, family traditions offer them security and a sense of uniqueness. Recounting the origins of your cherished traditions gives them a deeper understanding of why these traditions are so special.

The Words: Can you kids guess who the children are in these pictures? How old do you think they are? Guess where these pictures were taken.

The Reason: Showing old family photographs always ignites animated discussions: "Mary Beth looks just like Auntie Colleen!" "Look at the short pants on Grandpa!" "Dad, who gave you that haircut?" "How long did you live in that apartment?"

CONVERSATION TIPS
Encourage your kids to interrupt your family stories with their questions and comments. When telling your stories, you may want to pause occasionally to ask your children questions about them: "Would you have done what your Uncle Jason did?" "What do you think your great grandparents were feeling when they celebrated their first Passover in this country?"

BEYOND THE RAP
Family history dinner raps can become a dinnertime staple — a continuing conversation. They can also be used as a prelude to larger family get-togethers, where more family stories, photos, movies, and letters are shared.

Playing music and singing songs from family members' pasts is another way to share your history. Bringing out inherited keepsakes will also enliven family gatherings. Try giving your kids the role of family historian: Encourage them to capture these stories on audio or videotape. These recordings are sure to become family treasures.

Read Carleton Kendrick's bio.

More on: Genealogy