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Daughter Has No Close Friends

Middle School Expert Advice from Connie Collins

Q: My 12-year-old daughter is in seventh grade with many children she has known since kindergarten. She is physically attractive, makes excellent grades, and is liked by her peers. However, our concern is that she has no close friends, or really any one special friend. For the most part, she doesn't seem bothered by this. She also has no aspirations to be with the popular crowd. She seems to feel that she is different because she refuses to compromise her morals and principles to have friends. She also feels that most of the kids are "potty mouths" and can't believe how they act at school and social events. I just can't believe that "all" of the girls are like this. She doesn't have an attitude of being better than anyone, but she makes no effort to foster friendships.

Her closest friends include one girl in sixth grade and a girl she met away at summer camp last year who lives ten hours away.

A: Close, real friendships are few and they are the result of rapport between two people.

Your daughter is smart, self confident, liked by her peers, doesn't aspire to be in the popular crowd, and has two close friends. Is it really important as to where they live or in what grade they're in?

My question is, whose problem is this? I don't believe it is your daughter's.

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Connie Collins, professional school counselor, worked for 35 years in public education as a teacher and counselor at the middle school and secondary levels. Collins worked daily with the parents of the students in her various schools, and has facilitated several parenting groups.


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