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Eleven-Year-Old Worries That He's Gay

Middle School Expert Advice from Connie Collins

Q: I'm 11 years old and last weekend when I slept over at my friend's house, I let him touch me while I was sleeping. I almost said something, but instead I just relaxed and enjoyed the massage until I fell back asleep, pretending I didn't wake up. When I woke up the next morning, my pants were still off. I didn't really say anything to him and I guess he forgot about it. The thing is, I really liked it. I never masturbate and this is the first time someone else has touched me down there. It felt so good. I would kind of like it to happen again, so I am going over this weekend. Is this normal? I like girls, too. Am I gay?

A: It is normal to like having good sexual feelings. Just because your friend was a guy and you liked his touching you doesn't mean you are gay.

I don't think it is a good idea to go over to your friend's just because you think he might touch you again. Being secretive about it could cause both of you to feel badly. Also, no one should touch another person, especially on the genitals, without their permission. This is not respectful. I am wondering how old your friend is. That makes a difference, too.

Instead, I encourage you to talk to one of your parents or a good adult friend that you really feel safe with about masturbation and what happened. They can probably answer any questions you might have.

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Connie Collins, professional school counselor, worked for 35 years in public education as a teacher and counselor at the middle school and secondary levels. Collins worked daily with the parents of the students in her various schools, and has facilitated several parenting groups.

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