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Mother Finds Sexual Notes to Daughter

Middle School Expert Advice from Connie Collins

Q: My daughter has a friend who writes her notes asking her if he can touch her breasts. She doesn't show me these, I just find them in her room. Should I press this issue with her?

A: Now is a good time to sit down with your daughter and have a talk. Tell her that you found the notes and are concerned. Talk with her about how she feels about the notes and what the boy is asking. She may not know how to answer him and needs some help to avoid the pressure he is putting on her. That's where you can be of help. You two can discuss all the reasons for his not touching her breasts and how she can feel safe.

If you are uncomfortable doing talking with your daughter about her sexuality, there are some excellent books in your local library on how to talk to teens. Another source are the mother/daughter sessions on sexuality presented by Planned Parenthood. The school counselor is also a good resource for help in working with your teen.

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Connie Collins, professional school counselor, worked for 35 years in public education as a teacher and counselor at the middle school and secondary levels. Collins worked daily with the parents of the students in her various schools, and has facilitated several parenting groups.


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