36-42 Months: Learning About Me -- Milestones

1. Shows greater comfort with independence.

Preschoolers are enthusiastic about almost everything. They can become angry when things don't go their way, but are delighted when everything seems to be going right. Every new achievement adds to their sense of mastery and their feelings of self-worth. They are even able to wait for things for a short time. They are beginning to develop a sense of humor and easily dissolve into peals of laughter and silliness for almost no reason. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• jump up and down with anticipation as they wait for the cookies they helped mix to finish baking in the oven
• ask for their favorite kind of cereal when shopping with a caregiver in the market
• help another child get her zipper started
• wash their hands "by self" before meals and after toileting
• show you the space station they built with the unit blocks
• tell a story about their drawing and ask a teacher to write it down for them
• try a new puzzle with smaller pieces than before
• tell you all the words they can say that rhyme with happy

Needing development, they might:

• show little outward pleasure when they accomplish something new or complete a difficult task
• remain quiet much of the time, making it easy to overlook them or forget that they are there
• play only with familiar things and depend on adult support to get things done
• seem to be without fear, jumping into things without a sense of caution

2. Manages own behavior with increasing skill.

Children have developed from "terrible" and single-minded two-year-olds with very elementary or limited verbal skills, into sunny and cooperative three-year-olds with impressive new language skills. This new language ability enables three-year-olds to manage their behavior with increasing skill, to remember routines, and to do simple jobs. They are eager to please and try hard to use words instead of hitting, to ask rather than grab, to plan rather than push and shove. Sometimes they are bossy. They use crying and tantrums less often than they did a year ago. They make use of their new understanding about other people's feelings in order to guide the way they manage their own behavior. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• tell the teacher that they would like to feed the classroom rabbit today
• start to use bargaining strategies such as, "I'll go for my nap after I finish my puzzle"
• say they're sorry when they waited too long to go to the bathroom and had an accident
• announce very loudly that it must be their turn to be the farmer in the dell because they haven't had a turn yet
• try to explain a different way to play a game, but get impatient and begin to yell and push when no one seems to understand
• call to a parent for help when their younger brother tears the drawing they just finished

Needing development, they might:

• cry angrily when they realize that they are all wet from the splashing and wild play at the water table
• collect all the crayons for themselves and refuse to share them with the other children at the table
• hit the child who insists they have to wait to have a turn on the swing
• look around in a confused manner when the teacher asks them to get the book off the shelf for storytime

3. Expresses feelings, needs, and wants.

Young preschoolers use their new words to express a wide variety of thoughts about how they feel. Some children are insistent and verbal about their feelings, while others are more quiet or shy. They now have the language skills to verbalize what they like and what they want. Fears of imagined dangers continue to be a part of their experience. Young three-year-olds continue to use physical ways of expressing themselves when their feelings are intense. They still need adult support and encouragement to use words when they are upset. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• spill the juice as they try to be the teacher-helper, and then stamp their feet in frustration
• use words to tell another child that they don't like it when he grabs the blocks
• ask for a story about monsters because they are trying to gain control over their fear that a monster lives in their bedroom
• laugh as a way of hiding anxiety about a mishap on the playground
• talk to their imaginary friend about things they are thinking about
• explain what they want after someone notices they are agitated and asks them about it

Needing development, they might:

• hit or cry when they're frustrated or angry
• get silly and run around the room when they're excited or happy
• squeeze too hard and not let go when trying to make friends with a classmate
• hit a child who reaches for one of their crayons or their play dough