30-36 Months: Learning About Me -- Milestones

1. Shows comfort with independence, competence, and expressing feelings.

Older toddlers begin to take initiative when trying new experiences. They respond to opportunities to test and display their growing competence. They get excited about new discoveries, have strong preferences, and keep trying to make things happen in their own way. Three-year-olds can easily feel overwhelmed when their imagination runs ahead of their ability to understand what is actually going on. Even though their verbal skills have grown substantially, they may not be able to explain their worries or to understand why they're afraid. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• become angry when a friend touches their snack, but calm down when he says he's sorry
• proudly show off the new finger play they learned at circle time
• choose between two shirts and then try to put it on by themselves
• announce very clearly the song they want everyone to sing at music time
• call someone over to show them how they can pull up their own pants after toileting by themselves
• ask a teacher to watch as they show the way they can climb up the steps of the slide
• show how they can crawl like a turtle and fly like a bird
• "read" a story to their stuffed dog from the book that their teacher or parent has been reading
• sing a new song they learned in school today and ask you if you want to learn it
• ask a caregiver to watch as they put a new puzzle together all by themselves

Needing development, they might:

• become anxious and not show the class how to play the game they learned earlier
• unable to put on their own jacket when getting ready to go outside
• cry desperately when they splash some water on their shirt and pull at it to try to get it off right away
• call out, "Watch me, watch me," but when a caregiver turns to watch, they stop and won't do the skill they wanted to demonstrate

2. Demonstrates emerging ability to manage own behavior.

Older toddlers find it hard to wait or take turns, so it often appears that they aren't able to manage their behavior productively. However, they're very ritualistic, and their routines are important to them. They go to great lengths to ensure that routines are followed, down to the last tiny detail. In addition, they are eager to please the adults in their lives, so they try to behave in ways they see the adults behaving, and to use the words they hear adults using. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• go to the teacher for help after another child pushes them off the swing
• climb up on the counter to get a cookie, but quickly climb down when their mother comes into the kitchen
• pick up their napkin and lunch papers after they've eaten and throw them into the trash can
• proudly announce that they used the toilet all by themselves
• pat their little brother on the back while telling him that he can have a different book
• show a teacher how they hung their painting on the drying rack
• tell a friend to hurry over to the circle time so they can hear the story

Needing development, they might:

• ignore the child who asks to play in the sand with them and pull all the trucks closer
• leave the snack table without taking their napkin and cup, then protest and refuse when called back to take care of their things
• say okay to another child's request for one of the trucks, but then keep all the trucks for themselves, anyway
• grab hold and pull on the riding toy to show they want it, never letting go of it
• hit the child who has the toy they want, and refuse to accept taking turns when the teacher suggests this as a way to settle the struggle

3. Shows awareness of social skills when expressing needs and wants.

The development of language skills has a tremendous influence on children's ability to handle frustration and say what they want. They are learning how to express themselves so that others will listen to them and honor their choices and decisions. Some children have trouble making up their minds about what they want, while others have very clear ideas and insist on following them. Adult guidance is very important in helping older toddlers learn social skills for expressing what they want or are feeling. Adults also serve as important role models for the behaviors that children will imitate. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• explain with words that they don't want to come in and sit down for storytime
• call a teacher over to help them get a turn at the easel
• crawl into a caregiver's lap for comfort when pushed out of the block area
• say they wish their mommy would hurry up and get here
• use social conventions spontaneously, such as saying please when they want something
• whine when they want another cookie, but stop and use words when reminded that there is a better way to get a second cookie

Needing development, they might:

• grab the blocks they want and hit the child nearby who wants to have a few blocks for her own building
• grab the video and try to put it into the VCR, pushing away their brother who is trying to help
• not answer when a teacher asks them what they want to do during choice time
• stamp their feet and sulk when told they need to sit down for storytime
• ask for a turn at the painting easel, then cry in annoyance and push another child out of the way because they can't wait any longer
• begin to climb onto the table to reach the pitcher when they want more juice