30-36 Months: It's About Trust -- Milestones

1. Reflects attitudes and behaviors of familiar adults.

Though three-year-olds may seem very grown up, especially when compared to who they were as two-year-olds, they still depend on the presence and support of their parents and caregivers. Older toddlers practice imitating the important people in their lives, and are very influenced by their characteristics and values. Although three-year-olds may manage separation more easily than they could a few months ago, they continue to depend on their caregivers' reassurance, presence, and consistency. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• not protest as much when their parent leaves, but they might still show some signs of distress and not begin to play right away
• insist on the same routine every day when saying good-bye to their special adult
• pat their stuffed animal on the back and sing a lullaby just the way their caregivers do with them
• imitate social behaviors of the adults they are with most often, pretending to have a tea party with their dolls, and saying "please," "thank you," "you're welcome," and other phrases they hear the people around them speak
• use expletives they've heard from adults or children when they're playing
• pretend to go to work in the morning the way their mommies and daddies do
• try to make their caregivers laugh by saying silly words that they think are funny

Needing development, they might:

• not pay any attention to what family or caregivers are doing or when they come and go
• state, "No!" very loudly and throw their toy on the floor when asked to put their toys on the shelf
• become passive when asked questions about what they are doing and what is happening around them
• hit at their caregiver's face or pull their caregiver's hair while being held, when they want to get down

2. Shows cautious interest in new people.

Three-year-olds show great interest in new experiences and new people, but they rely on their sense of the familiar and the expected when new people approach them. They are more comfortable if they can make connections between what is new and what is familiar, if the new people behave in ways the toddlers are used to, or if they do things that are familiar, such as play peekaboo or suggest reading a favorite book. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• smile and say hi to a grandmother whom they don't know very well, but pull back when she reaches for a hug
• take a favorite book over to the new caregiver so they can read together
• ask the worker who comes into the classroom to change a lightbulb what he's doing
• show a classroom visitor the new sneakers they got just yesterday
• tell the lady in line at the grocery store about their birthday party happening the next day and the clown who will be there
• get excited about going to the children's museum with the neighbor next door, rather than refusing because their parent isn't going, too

Needing development, they might:

• cry fearfully when a new teacher or caregiver arrives, even though it's her third day in the center
• say, "No!" when a new person asks if it's fun playing in the water
• walk away from their caregiver and go right up to the shopper standing nearby to tell him about their new baby brother
• refuse to go on the class trip to a local farm unless their mother goes, too