Mom and Dad the Homework Helpers

by Betsy Van Dorn

"Leave me alone! I can do it myself!"

As your child has matured over the years, how many times have you heard this declaration of independence? Sometimes, it's music to your ears. Other times, it's an exasperating example of inexperience coupled with bravado. Why don't we hear this when it comes to homework?

What's Your Role?
When your child complains about homework, think about that idea of independence. Remember, homework is a contract between teachers and children--parents aren't part of the deal. Think of yourself as a coach, standing on the sidelines. Let your player take responsibility and carry the ball. Be available for support, but let your child complete the task at hand from start to finish. The hard work will be theirs alone -- but so will the satisfaction of achievement.

What if it's Boring?
Yes, homework is sometimes dull, or too easy, or too difficult. That doesn't mean that it shouldn't be taken seriously. Remind your child how many boring hours athletes spend pumping iron or doing sit-ups, and how tedious practicing chords can be for a guitarist. Homework often means drill and reinforcement, which is often time-consuming.

One formula for determining how much time a child should spend on homework mutliplies the child's grade level by 10. Thus, your fifth grader might expect around 50 minutes of preparation per night. More important than length, however, is the quality of time and attention homework gets. Fifty minutes flopped on the bed with the stereo blasting doesn't count.

Avoiding Pitfalls
Parents can be invaluable as cheerleaders and resources. Sometimes all kids need is an assist: in bouncing an idea off you, in understanding directions, in locating information. You'll know pretty quickly if you're being used as a crutch instead of a coach. Similarly, don't fall into the trap of being the Homework Police. It's fine to establish quiet times and no-television rules, but don't get sucked into being the heavy who checks to make sure every last homework detail is attended to. If you feel your child is leaving assignments undone, call the teacher and brainstorm some strategies. And don't lose sight of what we all want our children to feel: "I can do it myself!"

More on: Homework