12-18 months: Learning About Me -- Milestones

1. Shows preferences, likes, and dislikes.

Eighteen-month-olds often don't want something in particular as much as they want a little of everything. The world is exciting and demands their attention. It is difficult to sort out what they really want from what they're just experimenting with. They seem to be very self-centered as they claim everything they see as "mine." They issue orders as their language improves and seem to expect instant compliance. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• insist, "Me, me!" as the teacher tries to help them carry a puzzle from the shelf over to the table
• take the spoon out of the caregiver's hand and try to feed themselves
• shout, "Mine, mine," when another child tries to play with the blocks
• begin to cry when things don't go their way-for example, when they cannot pick up the peas with their spoon or spear the carrot slice with their fork
• show particular interest in a special music tape, or the fish in the aquarium, or special picture books
• call out insistently, "Book, book," when they want a book they can't reach
• let go of the caregiver's hand when entering the park and move to the swings
• protest when their parent tells them it's time for a bath and they're busy with the pegboard
• find the CD with the picture of dancing bears on it and hand it to you to play
• fight with another child over who gets to use the toy telephone

Needing development, they might:

• seem to watch but mostly remain quiet and non-interactive during playtime
• cry and not be able to make their requests clear
• look away and not say which one of the two choices being offered they want
• not attempt to feed themselves and continue to accept being fed with a spoon
• sit at the table without trying to assemble the puzzle in front of them

2. Tries to manage own behavior.

Babies begin to show early forms of self-control by the way they act when making choices and react to the limits set for them. With verbal guidance accompanied by physical support, adults can offer alternatives and change the focus of an activity. Eighteen-month-olds show that they can listen and sometimes even stop themselves. By setting clear and firm limits in a respectful and caring way, caregivers help babies feel good about themselves. This provides positive self-esteem, which helps children learn how to manage their own behavior. For example:

Developing as expected, they might:

• stop banging their spoon on the tray when asked to stop
• catch their parent's warning look from across the room even as they continue to climb on the back of the sofa
• hand you a used tissue they picked up from the floor after you ask them for it
• say, "No, no," to themselves as they sit in the sandbox and throw a handful of sand over the edge onto the ground
• hand you the book they finished looking at, instead of throwing it on the floor
• stop before hitting another child when they hear the teacher call their name

Needing development, they might:

• cry when they can't have the book they reached for
• continue stamping their feet in the water puddle, even after the caregiver asks them to stop
• throw the spoon when asked to stop banging it on the tray
• fall on the floor kicking and screaming when they can't open the door
• hit the child who had the toy they wanted, then begin crying when the other child starts to cry