Bullied Kids: Suffering in Silence

Bobby St. Pierre tormented me. Every school recess he taunted me ("Momma's little boy won't fight back?"), roughed me up, and made my life on the playground a living hell.

I was nine and the tallest kid in Cold Spring School's fourth grade. Bobby had just turned thirteen and was warehoused in Mrs. Cavi's "special class." It was the dumping ground for incorrigible kids aged eight through fourteen.

I was the latest in the long line of Bobby's victims. He'd been bullying me for two months, since school began. I dreaded going to school. My stomach was in knots every day. I couldn't concentrate in class. Most nights I woke up with nightmares.

My mom could see I hadn't been my usual cheery self for some time but couldn't figure out what was wrong. I wanted to tell her about Bobby, but I'd have been a "Momma's boy" if I did. Mrs. Peterson, my teacher, had written my mom a note stating I'd seemed "frequently preoccupied in class." I was preoccupied all right! All I could think about was Bobby and his bullying. When would it ever stop?

In desperation I turned to my father. "You've got to stand up to him," he insisted. "I'll show you how." He taught me how to use Bobby's next shove to hip-flip him to the ground. We practiced the move. My father pronounced me battle-ready. I was terrified.

Monday's recess began with Bobby's usual "sissy-boy" taunts. This time, however, I turned and faced him. He pushed me. I fell back but then stepped toward him. His next shove was met with the hip-flip. Bobby was airborne and then landed hard on his back--stunned, hurt, and humiliated. I put my finger in his face and screamed "Don't you ever touch me again!" He never did.

I've never recommended using retaliatory force to any of the bullied kids I've counseled. It's dangerous advice. I was lucky that day. But adults must take bullying more seriously. We can't simply reply "I can't do anything about it unless I see it." Bullies usually wreak their damage well out of sight of adults.

I've treated bullied kids who were close to suicide because they couldn't see a way out of their chronic pain and depression. In despair, many kids have killed themselves rather than face endless hurt from their tormentors. I understand that hopelessness.

Bullyproofing
Bullying should not be tolerated in our schools. In addition to caring for the victims, we must also focus on teaching our children how to stand up against unprovoked harassment and aggression. The bullies need to be shown alternative paths to achieve self-esteem. They often come from families where bullying behavior is a way of life. The Wellesley College Center for Research on Women addresses all these issues in their superior fourth and fifth grade curriculum called "Bullyproof."

Bullying isn't harmless child's play. It can be debilitating and life-threatening. Children need us to defend them from its ravages.

Read Carleton Kendrick's bio.

More on: Bullies