Talking About Music

Want to find out just how musically inclined your child is? Take this quiz! Then read below to find out how you can encourage your kids to talk about music.

FOR AGES: Eight and up

My childhood had a soundtrack. There was always music playing in my house, and mealtime was no exception. In fact the musical accompaniment at dinnertime was as important as the meal itself.

Sharing your musical favorites with your kids -- and giving them the opportunity to do the same -- can spark a revealing and enlightening conversation.

THE WORDS YOU NEED
Though my parents loved music, I can tell you I never got to listen to the Rolling Stones at dinner -- my dad and stepmom weren't quite that open-minded. But you can be! Here are some suggestions on getting the discs spinning and the conversation flowing -- even when you're not crazy about the selection.

The words: "What do you like about this band? The songwriting? The singer's voice?"

The reason: If you're not tapping your feet to your kid's music, try focusing on what she likes, instead of what you don't like. This will set an example. Your child may, in turn, ask more thoughtful questions about your music.

The words: "Where is the band from?" "How did you hear about them?"

The reason: If your child doesn't know the answers already, these questions will encourage her to learn more about the music she likes. Asking these questions can also give you a peek into what circles your child is moving in and what interests her.

The words: "I remember when I first heard this song..."

The reason: Music embraces and celebrates the culture of the time. Simply shouting out "what year is this song from?" can challenge your kids to think about the music they're hearing, and associate it with a particular event. It could be something as silly as the Macarena dance craze or as important as the political issues that bands like Fugazi sing about.

The words: "Do the words to this song remind you of anything?"

The reason: Some songs have universal themes. Love songs are good examples. Your favorite James Taylor song may have a lot in common with a Korn song your kids enjoy -- even though it sounds a little different.

The words: How does this piece make you feel?

The reason: Music is more than just chords and a beat -- it affects us emotionally. It can give us peace, energize us, and remind us. This is a good way to show children that certain types of music are appropriate to certain situations: Most likely, you wouldn't hear a dirge at a dance club or a Madonna tune at a funeral.

The words: "What do you think of this song's music video? Does it have anything to do with the song's meaning?"

The reason: The overall music experience has changed immensely since we were kids. Music videos have added a visual element -- someone else's interpretation of how the song makes him feel. Asking kids to critique music videos helps them to think about what they are seeing and question other people's interpretations.

CONVERSATION TIPS
Music shouldn't take the place of conversation at dinner. Have it loud enough to hear, but quiet enough so you can hear each other. Set some ground rules: Let each member of the family make a selection. And keep the commentary positive.

BEYOND THE RAP
You may feel that some of today's music is inappropriate for kids. Family therapist Carleton Kendrick suggests that you set some "house rules for material that your value system does not condone." He adds that you have a right to expect your kids to respect the rules, and your kids have a right to hear your reasons for not condoning certain music.

More on: Raising Good Kids