ADHD: Establishing Routines

Timers

The timer says "time is up" so you don't have to say it. Before your child turns on the television, sits down at the computer, or starts talking on the telephone, set a timer to determine when time for that activity has expired. Have the child set the timer, or at least get him to acknowledge what happens when the timer rings. When it rings, and he appeals or complains, your response can be: "I'd like you to have more time, but the timer rang." You can be on his side and still make clear that time is not something you control.

Quick Tip
Use a kitchen timer to determine when "time's up" for your child's activity. The timer enforces the rule--not Mom or Dad.

It is essential that you reinforce the timer's decision (even if your child strenuously objects). As long as you adhere to the policy that something happens every time the timer rings (and "that something" does not include resetting it) the timer will become the enforcer.

Pointer for Effective Parenting
Something happens every time the timer rings but that does not include you or your child resetting it.

Timers are even more effective when paired with incentives. Reinforce compliance with the timer and/or completing the task before the timer rings. An incentive gives the timer special significance, giving him a reason to respond. Simply keeping a tally of times when your child complies with or beats the timer gives it greater importance. Each success can earn a timer credit that your child can accumulate and cash in for privileges. Set a minimum for each day. A half hour of television requires six timer credits; ten credits keeps the light on twenty minutes later at bedtime.

Quick Tip
Provide an incentive for your child to respond to the timer. He can earn it by ending an activity when the timer goes off or by completing a task before it rings.

Quick Tip
A watch with one or more alarms enables a child to take on more responsibility for managing his own time and obligations.

Sharon: The timer can also be a tool that protects the child's interests in his struggle against you, the timekeeper. In the past, when he wanted your attention, often his request was met with that maddening response: "In a minute." But how long was that minute? No wonder your child reacts so negatively to hearing that now. As far as he knows, it's that dreaded adult minute and you'll never show up. A timer can hold us to the same standard we impose on our children. When you respond to their request for time and attention with the suggestion to "get the timer and I'll set it for fifteen minutes. When the bell rings, I'll stop what I'm doing and come into your room," a child can accept this answer. If you adhere to the timer whenever it is used, your child can trust it to get you to stop, as promised.